So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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