that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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