Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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