i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
