so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry about my life...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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