Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am mentally ready for anal.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
