So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize