I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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