We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
