Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
