two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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