you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
