Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
