its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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