Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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