I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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