Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so let's talk penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
