My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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