You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
