White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
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