Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
