i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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