Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All I want is dick and wine.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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