Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
