When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
