In the future we'll all be gay
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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