Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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