she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
