Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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