Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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