I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
