Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
