wanna go halves on a baby?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
