toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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