woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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