My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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