WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize