I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
