I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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