The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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