A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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