Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
