just survived the first fart of the relationship.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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