Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
