My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
