My room smells like vodka and shame
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
