I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
