i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
