The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
