His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
