I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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