If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
