Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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