I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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