o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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