either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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