Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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