My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
