So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize