Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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