She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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