i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
