i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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