Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
