Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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