I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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