ya dads aren't the best wingmen
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
