Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
