ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize