my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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