Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
