Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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