so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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