he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
