1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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