Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
