well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
