I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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