apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
