Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
