He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
