one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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