i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize