Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
