You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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