the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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