i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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