Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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