Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
