I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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