pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
