??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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