8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
