I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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