Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
