I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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