he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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