Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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