It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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