i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
